Spring Holiday rules
by zog the angry chipmunk
Summary: Poor Xeon. As if the Christmas rules weren't enough, now he has to do Easter and Valentine's Day. Renegade and Aurius are doing what they can to thwart him, including heart-shaped bombs, Morbuzahk bouquets and genetically altered Easter bunnies.
1. Chapter 1

Xeon sat in his chair with a groan. The Christmas celebration had been an epic disaster, and now he had to write more rules. These were for a couple of Spring holidays called Valentine's Day and Easter. He made a mental note to kill Nuparu for creating computers.

Valentine's Day

The bomb rule. No explosives or weapons in any gifts or decoration. Especially heart-shaped cards. It's creepy.

The food rule. No candy or any other food may be poisoned or contain any chemical that is not approved by me.

Cupid, the symbol of Valentine's Day, carries an arrow. It has a heart on it. It is not in the spirit of the holiday to dip a heart-shaped arrow in any toxic chemical and shoot people with it.

Two words: No guns.

Renegade, stop with the talking eggnog already.

It is not okay to do anything scary to the flowers. It is also not okay to give anyone a bouquet of Morbuzahk vines.

Flowers: Good. Bullet shells: Bad.

Only Aurius and Renegade like bouquets of guns, knives, or other weapons. Do not give the above examples to anyone else.

It is not funny to have a 3-D heart with a lit fuse.

It is not funny to have a lit fuse sticking out of a bouquet.

If you are able to levitate objects with the power of your mind, without a Mask or elemental power, you've had too much sugar.

Do not use a bow and arrow for any purpose other than decoration.

It is VERY not okay to embarrass people using look-alike drones.

Pink is okay, but it has a limit. Nuika, if I find my room pink one more time, I will use a crane to move your bedroom to an orbiting asteroid, with you in it. Then you can paint the asteroid pink.

Valentine's Day is among the worst days of the year to prank people.

I don't know who the day is named after. That does not mean you can make it up when asked.

It is not okay to give the Agori chocolate laced with ANYTHING.

It is also not okay to get a chocolate shaped like someone else and bite the head off.

Renegade, stop 'training' Aurius.

Makuta Teridax is not to be used as a stand for decorations.

It breaks the decorations.

I am not to be used as a stand for decorations. If you try anyways, I may kill you with the decorations.

Do not confuse Valentine's Day with any other holiday.

Do not describe the holiday as a time to shoot people with arrows.

If I see another heart-shaped garland, I'm going to take it down. End of discussion.

If Aurius is carrying a heart-shaped garland, it may be a trap.

If Renegade is carrying anything pink, it is definitely a trap.

Cupid is not a sniper.

Cupid is not 'the winged sniper freak'.

Boxes of chocolate are not to be tampered with in any way.

Also, to not have chocolates with talking filling.


	2. Chapter 2

Aquaris grumbled as she sat down. Xeon had to stop an attack by Makuta and had left her to write the next set of rules. She was strongly considering sabotaging the blue Toa of Magnetism, except she knew that he was particularly good at revenge.

There is something fundamentally wrong with skulls and crossbones with hearts, despite what you see on fashion sites.

Pink and purple are great colors. However, some people get mad when you paint their houses without permission.

Very few of the people we know will take a joke and not seek revenge. Beware this fact when discussing Valentine's Day.

Renegade should not EVER wear the giant heart costume. Especially with 'accessories' like heart-shaped photon pistols.

RAK, don't TOUCH the SOUP!

It is not okay to shoot people with heart arrows or give them poison chocolates or evil bouquets and say its 'romantic'.

Gigabyte, it is not funny to hack games like 'Halo' to have little floating hearts or heart-shaped bullets.

And don't EVER enter anyone else's email account.

Snowball fights are no longer allowed.

There is still snow on the ground. Please resist the urge to paint it pink.

Please refrain from giving Valentine's cards to the enemy. This includes Akarix, Teridax, Cydrix, and any minions.

Don't edit the Wikipedia page.

Seriously, Cupid is not 'the winged sniper freak'.

Do not use the Cupid pun under ANY circumstances.

Star Wars Boba Fett has a jet pack. This does not mean you can compare him to Cupid.

The same goes for Transformers' Starscream.

Don't edit the Wikipedia page or I'll laser you to death.

There are some things that should be obvious. Why Renegade has heart-shaped bouncy-balls is not one of them.

No snack food is to be decorated by Renegade. Period.

Gali, Nuika, stop with the decorating.

Update to the Morbuzahk bouquet rule: No Karzahni vines either.

Putting heart sparkles in drinks is no longer funny.

It is not 'romantic' to beat people with heart-shaped boards.

It is not funny to blow stuff up. I thought we covered this.

Do not cackle manically while decorating.

It is not okay to have Cupid in a noose.

Dating is okay. Setting up an evil organization is not.

We do not pour hot Jell-o on people.

When asked to do a list for Xeon, you can say you're done at 30.

Never stand in my way after I've just finished working.


	3. Chapter 3

Xeon muttered to himself. The rules weren't being followed, and he now had to do Easter. Crud.

The bomb rule. Nothing that goes boom in Easter eggs, flowers, etc.

The food rule. You guys know the drill.

No being may dress as the Easter bunny without permission.

When people are hunting eggs, it isn't nice to take them. It is also not nice to fill them with explosives, rubber insects, tiny drones, or a self-inflating Teridax balloon.

There is only one Easter bunny, not an army. And they don't throw eggs, use egg-shaped detonators, or catapult eggs into enemy fortresses.

Though it would be cool.

Do not dress as the Easter bunny and dump raw eggs on anyone who takes a picture with you.

The talking eggnog MUST go away. It's almost March already, people!

YouTube is now banned.

Twitter will follow.

As will anything else.

The Easter bunny doesn't have elves.

No more giant plastic eggs.

No more references to cooking eggs.

Or the Easter bunny.

Bright green grass and pastel colors: Good. Bright orange grass and radioactive neon colors: Bad.

Do not dress as eggs.

It is warming up, but it is not time for water balloons yet.

Do not set up an 'Easter egg fight'.

Do not fill people's rooms with pastel eggs.

Renegade, do NOT alter the contents of any Easter egg.

Yes, my lawyer can prove that it was an Easter egg, no matter what your lawyer says.

Good taste involves NOT turning the little baby chicken statues into evil robots.

Do not scream "THE BUNNIES ARE ATTACKING!" at random times.

Good taste involves NOT putting ketchup, vinegar and soy sauce together on people's eggs.

Do not blow up eggs. Simple as that.

Renegade, do NOT use DNA processing to make a hybrid of a chick and a rabbit.

Do not beat people with candy carrots.

Renegade, take your meds.

Do not fling chocolate eggs at people.

I am no longer allowed to make tin foil wrappers attack people.

There are no Easter-themed villains.

**A/N: Sorry I didn't do another Valentine's one; ran out of ideas and time. I created a website, though! See the link on my profile, please. And remember to review!**


	4. Chapter 4

Xeon muttered under his breath. He was tempted to just magnetize the all to the wall and be done with it.

No evil chocolate bunnies.

No Easter baskets as catapults.

Spring flowers may not be genetically altered in any way.

Water balloons and snowball fights do not mix.

There isn't a Tiki god of Easter bunnies.

It isn't nice to give people bunny ears.

Or bunny fur. Especially when you use glue.

When decorating with Easter eggs do not put them on the second story of a stairwell and fill them with cement.

Do not fill Easter eggs with ketchup, mustard, or talking green eggnog.

Nothing that involves anti-rotational quantum energy bands. It's a slagging holiday!

Aurius, it is not good to create hologram Easter eggs. Also, stop trying to get Takanuva to do it.

Renegade, do not make intangible or invisible Easter eggs.

The inflatable Easter bunny may not be turned into an evil robot.

Some people tell their kids that carrots are not for playing with. I have to tell you guys that carrots are not for stabbing people.

Or being dipped in poison and used as arrows or javelins.

When hiding Easter eggs, it is generally not okay to put them underwater, in space, or in your armored vault.

If you make me do rules for St. Patrick's Day, I will hunt you down and magnetize you all to asteroids.

Painting Easter eggs: Good. Painting Easter bunnies: Bad.

It is not okay to use people in Easter bunny costumes as decorations.

Easter egg wallpaper is bad when over-applied. As in NO WALLPAPER IN MY ROOM!

Do not place raw eggs in people's chairs.

Do not take over the world. It isn't in the spirit of things.

When a futon flies through my wall and turns into Gigabyte, who then runs of waving his broadswords, only to be beat back by tomato paste and Easter bunny plastic dolls, I want an explanation. NOW.

The Easter bunny is not the rabbit that keeps eating your garden.

Do not set out giant traps for people dressed as Easter bunnies.

It is not 'rabbit season'. Renegade, drop your weapon.

The Easter bunny is not an alien.

Do not eat more than half your weight in candy.

Especially if it's all the heads from all the chocolate Easter bunnies at the store.

Egg-shaped bullets are now banned.

Easter bunny-shaped bullets are now banned.

Weapons of mass destruction with Easter pictures on them are now banned.

Pastel is okay up to a point. You are not allowed to coat the entire town in pastel dust.

Easter should be a time of happiness and forgiveness. Flowers blooming in new warmth. Sunshine, peace. DO NOT START A WORLD WAR ON EASTER, RENEGADE.

Scissors are now banned.

Do not ask where rules come from under any circumstances.

**A/N: Thank you Mayiina for rules 1 and 2, and to everyone who reviewed.**


	5. Chapter 5

Xeon was torn between killing somebody and committing suicide. He had just found out that the reason for all the talking green eggnog was that Renegade had 'accidentally' put it into a company's main plant.

Giving people eggs is okay, unless the egg is used as a weapon.

Do not do anything illegal to the person in the Easter bunny suit, including pointing a gun at the hollow part of their head.

No throwing plastic Easter bunnies at people.

No doing illegal things. Okay?

Egg hunting does not involve guns or camouflage.

Or sniper rifles, grenades or infrared detectors.

The Cadbury bunny may not be Malum, Vorox, a Muaka or a Skopio.

'Peeps' does not mean 'people'. It also doesn't mean covering people in marshmallow and sugar.

Chicks are cute baby chickens. Except when it's us. For us, 'chicks' are walking, fuzzy yellow detonators designed by Renegade.

Xeon smiled. This was just some amendments, which meant he was already done. Not that it would help.


	6. Party

Xeon had to hand it to Renegade: the ex-Toa sure knew how to mess up Xeon's day. Bohrok being Easter eggs, an evil inflatable Easter bunny, bombs everywhere… Everything Xeon had said NOT to do and more.

Xeon walked outside to watch the Easter egg hunt. Aurius clicked the timer, and a small war began to get the eggs that had good prizes while avoiding the booby-trapped ones.

Xeon walked over and helped Lewa out of the ground after the green Toa had accidentally tripped on a bomb egg. "You okay?" Xeon asked.

"Happy-fine. You might wanna save Jaller, though." The Toa of Fire was being attacked by the evil Easter bunny, who was throwing egg bombs.

They were surprisingly effective weapons. Xeon magnetically shut off the fan inflating the "attacker" and went to find out what else Renegade had done, nodding in response to Jaller's "Thanks." Or maybe something along the lines of, "Why does the motor smell like it's on fire?"

Renegade himself was in a deer blind, shooting plastic pastel eggs. "Hello, Xeon. Want to try?"

"No. And defuse the bombs now." Xeon said.

"What bombs?" Renegade asked. Xeon's eye twitched. If Renegade wasn't bragging he might not have done it.

Xeon walked off to find someone else. As expected, Gali was using healing powers, Rak was battling the robots, the Mahri were using Nuparu's shield against the egg bombs, and there was a raw egg in Xeon's favorite chair.

Xeon spotted Hydrix and Takora flinging the bomb eggs at each other and sighed. Then, steeling himself, he sent a message to Kopaka, Arak and Klurus.

"Renegade didn't set the bombs. Arak, freeze them, Kopaka, find the hidden ones. Klurus, get that stupid egg out of my chair." The three Ice Toa walked over to him. Strangely, Arak was holding what looked like a Skakdi.

"Vezon?" Xeon asked.

"It's him," Kopaka confirmed.

Xeon facepalmed.

E

Xeon muttered as he walked to Renegade's tent. He was holding pastel shreds of paper in his hands.

"Renegade, it's time we chat about the wallpaper in my room."

Happyeaster!

A/N I know it's short but it's better than nothing.


End file.
